If absence makes the heart grow fonder, why do people often fight during and after separation? Ask people in a long distance relationships - they fight on phones - it's crazy! Ask most military couples about their trans itions. Most of them will say adjusting to being back together, having to share control and get used to each other all over again is difficult and chaotic.
This is because we humans settle easily into the comfort and convenience of self-indulgences - in other words - when we never have to answer to anyone and can just do whatever the heck we want, when we want, we adopt the false impression that life is simpler, less complicated, therefore better and safe. Actually, this does feel good - for a time at least.
In reality however, most often, absence causes hearts to grow farther apart rather than fonder.
For the Christian - this is absolutely true. Absence from the daily intimacies of relationship with Jesus Christ leads to distance from God and eventually indifference towards God and others.
Intentional absence from His word is like choosing starvation and death, while before you a spectacular banqueting table awaits to satisfy your gnawing hunger.
Ignoring the promptings of the Holy Spirit is like deciding to allow dehydration and unslakable thirst to dominate, while a flowing stream of refreshment and cleansing is calling you to renewal.
Selfishness, pride and self-will rule humanity – Jesus Christ showed us humility when He, being God, took on human form, died in our place, rose from the dead and saved us from the sting of sin and death. Phil 2:5-8
We must not allow our hearts to grow farther from God – we must intentionally grow fonder of Him by daily following the fundamental ‘rules of relationship’ with Him. You can’t be in a healthy relationship with someone you don’t know or don’t choose to know.
King David was passionate about relationship with God. He repeated a phrase often in Psalm 119 “with my whole heart.” I think David understood the principle of love and division and his choice was always to know God, to serve Him, to follow Him, to plead for help in keeping His commands, etc.
Love is to be chosen and cultivated and not necessarily by separation. Jesus affirmed that a whole heart, one that is knit to His own, is necessary to enter into vibrant relationship with God. He said, “a house divided against itself cannot stand, you cannot serve God and money, if anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross and follow me.” He commended Mary, the sister of Martha, for choosing to sit at his feet and hear Him instead of busying herself with much activity “the one thing is needed – Mary has chosen that good part which will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:42 references Ps 27:4, “One thing I have desired of the LORD, that will I seek; That I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in His temple.”
Time invested at the feet of Jesus or beholding the beauty of the LORD and inquiring at His temple is time well spent – and Jesus said – in the case of Mary – it will not be taken away from her. This speaks of a lasting benefit springing from a momentary choice. She chose not to do the dishes or heed her sister Martha in that moment – she chose to hear the Master. Hearing Jesus Christ, whether it is through reading His word, through quiet prayer and meditation, through listening to a Bible study is always a needed choice, a better choice and a lasting choice. His word feeds us, His Holy Spirit fills us and our hearts grower fonder, dearer, more in love with Him; as we understand more of who HE is and what HE has done on our behalf.
So, the question; Is my heart whole or divided, am I growing fonder or farther? Only the inner meter of my intimacy with Him can answer correctly. An intimate relationship with Jesus Christ is not necessarily defined by the externals that everyone sees, but rather by the internal condition, the hidden person, of my spiritual heart. My heart chooses everyday - truth or lie, union or division, fonder or farther…
Psalm 119:30-32
I have chosen the way of truth;
Your judgments I have laid before me.
I cling to Your testimonies;
O LORD, do not put me to shame!
I will run in the way of your commandments,
For you shall enlarge my heart. (set my heart free / cause my heart to swell with joy)
Psalm 119:2
Blessed are those who keep His testimonies,
Who seek Him with the whole heart!
Psalm 119:10
With my whole heart I have sought You;
Oh, let me not wander from Your commandments!
