SLEEP seems to be a recurring topic for me. At home I have trouble sleeping and not sleeping. However, typically on the road, I can sleep anywhere and often do--just ask my team members. Recently I returned from a three-week trip to Malawi, Africa... by way of Lilongwe to Johannesburg to Amsterdaam to Seattle - 30 + hours of travel
I am happy to report that after some sleepless nights which I used to catch up on 24 and Prison Break online, I slept all through the night last night and woke up on cue just before 6:00 a.m. That is pretty close to my ‘normal’ routine. I arrived back home on Monday night and it took me until Thursday night to do that. It’s still not completely normal but getting closer.
PROCESSING
Leaving behind the beauties of Malawi and returning to the beauties of the USA has been Difficult—I have been swinging from elated to despondent; enjoying my own bed and missing my Lion bunk, happy for the solitude and desperately lonely, glad for the lack of routine and frantically craving it; just to name a few of the emotions. I recognize this pendulum as the familiar process I go through each time I return from travel or a church retreat or even from visiting dear friends that I have not seen in a while. It is the process of (Re-entry). I have a sneaking suspicion that my fellow team members might be feeling something similar or at least feeling the swing in some way. No worries, this is normal—which seems like an oxymoron to me because it does not feel normal at all.
Anyway, I have been making a list of all the things I am thankful for here and a list of the things I am praying for back in Malawi. This is helping my process—to pray. I brought the book “Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World” by Joanna Weaver to Malawi with me but did not get to read it very much. Well, I started on the way home and today I read this….
…That is why Paul sent a wake up letter to his beloved church in Galatia. He called the Judaizers’ gospel slavery, and he added, “You foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you?...After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?” Gal 3:1-3
PROCESSING
Leaving behind the beauties of Malawi and returning to the beauties of the USA has been Difficult—I have been swinging from elated to despondent; enjoying my own bed and missing my Lion bunk, happy for the solitude and desperately lonely, glad for the lack of routine and frantically craving it; just to name a few of the emotions. I recognize this pendulum as the familiar process I go through each time I return from travel or a church retreat or even from visiting dear friends that I have not seen in a while. It is the process of (Re-entry). I have a sneaking suspicion that my fellow team members might be feeling something similar or at least feeling the swing in some way. No worries, this is normal—which seems like an oxymoron to me because it does not feel normal at all.
Anyway, I have been making a list of all the things I am thankful for here and a list of the things I am praying for back in Malawi. This is helping my process—to pray. I brought the book “Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World” by Joanna Weaver to Malawi with me but did not get to read it very much. Well, I started on the way home and today I read this….
…That is why Paul sent a wake up letter to his beloved church in Galatia. He called the Judaizers’ gospel slavery, and he added, “You foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you?...After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?” Gal 3:1-3
If we aren’t careful, we can fall prey to the same kind of lies the Galatians fell for—lies that tell us that we must perform in order to earn God’s love. We can add so many requirements to our faith that the “one thing” is swallowed by the “many” and the “best” is obliterated by the “good.” The thing we must understand is that God did not choose us to “use” us.
We are not spiritual Oompa-Loompas in some cosmic chocolate factory, working night and day to churn out a smoother, better-tasting Christianity.
We were not created to fill some egotistical need God has for praise—the angels forever encircle His throne with worship.
We are not some celestial science project; laboratory mice let loose in a maze to see how they interact.
No, the Bible makes it clear that God created us because He longs to have fellowship with us…”only one thing is needed”—and that is found in true fellowship with Him. (pg 61-63)
Reference verse Luke 10:42 “There is really only one thing worth being concerned about—Mary has discovered it—and I won’t take it away from her.” New Living Translation.
I read this today and it put words to my feelings and action to my inability to respond.
God desires true fellowship with me.
I wrote in my journal just before reading these passages.
“…Time to process: I’m home in the grey cold and glad to be home honestly, but I miss the adventure of it all. I miss the companionship and the camaraderie…we REALLY do need to be in Heaven since that is the only place where our deepest loneliness can be cured and our greatest joy truly realized—in the presence of our LORD Himself.” (CER Malawi Journal)
That is the escapist in me somewhat—but the book put paint to it—true fellowship with Him. So, I am just passing on the prescription of True Fellowship with Him in hopes that it helps if you are going through the confusing process of re-entry.
“…Time to process: I’m home in the grey cold and glad to be home honestly, but I miss the adventure of it all. I miss the companionship and the camaraderie…we REALLY do need to be in Heaven since that is the only place where our deepest loneliness can be cured and our greatest joy truly realized—in the presence of our LORD Himself.” (CER Malawi Journal)
That is the escapist in me somewhat—but the book put paint to it—true fellowship with Him. So, I am just passing on the prescription of True Fellowship with Him in hopes that it helps if you are going through the confusing process of re-entry.
RE-ENTRY
For me, I’ve had a few people call or email and ask me about the safari, say they are glad I am home safe and perhaps ask me about the trip in general wanting to hear only a few seconds.
My husband keeps asking me to tell him everything about the trip and then says, “you’re not back yet; I want my wife back,” because I can’t seem to stay focused and keep falling asleep and waking up at odd times. I’ve told him two stories about different events—visiting David Samuel at Kamuzu Academy and about Champion the elephant and the floods to South Luangua, I remain concerned about our friends and the people of that area.
My cat, Melchizadek, keeps crawling into my lap when I am trying to write or type so that I can pet him, it’s most inconvenient, but periodically I stop the fingers tapping and rub them behind his ears the way he likes. Then the phone rings and the petting stops and the typing and thoughts are interrupted by real life—like the ARC truck being in our area next week and do we have any donations. A bill needs to be paid, groceries need to be bought, I must go to the gym etc. It’s all a bit odd really and so much more complicated than the last three weeks in Malawi.
However, Mel, my cat for short, reminds me of Mphatso (Gift) the German shepherd puppy who kept getting underfoot and in trouble when we were in Malawi. He was so cute and kept trying to hang out with the 'big' dogs Hudson and Gideon in charge of guarding the compound. They escorted me often along the grassy and red muddy fields between the main dormitories and the thatched hut Salima Village where I slept.
Anyway, so far this is my re-entry experience. And I understand even though primarily God may not have created me to USE me, but rather to have fellowship with Him—I love that by the way—I know that He will use me eventually to share about Malawi and the beautiful children who are growing and dreaming because they have been given opportunities by God using COTN and people from all over, like those from the team.
I know in a few days this fog will clear and the pendulum will come center and it will be revealed (pongono, pongono) little by little, what it is God will have me do in response to our trip to Malawi.
For now, I remain endeavoring to choose that good thing of fellowship with Him.
It’s interesting too that God had me reading Galatians while in Malawi—no coincidence—rather deliberate plan on His part and I remember writing and talking about true fellowship with each other and how that revolves around the word of God.
So, I’m taking the ‘queue’ and endeavoring in times of “swing” to find myself in HIM through His word enjoying the ‘one true thing’ fellowship with Him.
Blessings,
Carmen
Blessings,
Carmen
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