It happened right here--outside this door
What is Carmen afraid of; what brings her to tears and completely immobilizes her—besides 300 people entering into an event while she holds the wrong table seating chart in her hand….of course, you know it….it’s frogs.
I can barely type the word without trembbbllbingon the keyboard.
Last time I visited Malawi, I boasted how God did not allow me to see any frogs. I was confident this time would be the same…however, I was soon to discover that I was to be sadly mistaken.
My roomie and I slept in bunks in the LION mud hut. It was the shortest walk to the bathroom from our hut—God worked out that detail wonderfully well for me even after I didn’t want to be in the mud hut to begin with (another story). Anyway, I had my wind-up flashlight from Costco and each night I took two or three trips to the restroom. Each time I became braver and sometimes I did not use the flashlight at all; instead, I'd stop to stare at the southern hemisphere night sky and enjoy it's fullness and beauty even though I didn’t recognize much.
It rained most of the time we were there. Usually at night we would get these terrific thunder and lightening storms which kept a few of us out on the veranda of the dinning hall catching lightening bolts, oooooing and ahhhhing at the shapes, brightness and closeness of the strikes. Twice we lost power but only for a short time. It was exciting. The rain brought out the crickets and the frogs of course, but I hadn’t seen any of them and they sounded far off to me, so my boldness continued with each trip to the restroom. Eventually I didn’t even look at the steps before me because I felt confident nothing would be there. Famous last feelings…..
One particular night, I went to bed and had a terrible nightmare about snakes. I have this recurring dream about snakes and literally it woke me up with a shocking gasp. My heart beat like a jackhammer in my chest and I cried because I had no one to cuddle up to. Then, to make things worse, it happened, I had to go to the bathroom.
Oh, I didn’t want to get out of that bed, but nature called. Reluctantly and nervously I got out the flashlight and gingerly stepped out the front half door that was closed and latched. I walked guardedly to the restroom checking every step along the way and scanning in the nooks and crannies of the bathroom for any unwanted reptilian visitors. Of course there were none. I finished washing my hands, switched off the lights and headed back for the hut. I stopped to enjoy the sky hoping to spot the tiny galaxy my friend was enthralled with. It was not visible tonight...too many rain clouds. I switched on the light and flashed it on the front step so as not to miss it and there they were…a pair of them Egyptian plagues sitting on either side of my doorway. I froze.
I froze solid like Lot’s wife after looking back at Sodom. I just stood there frozen like a popsicle. Then I whimpered and sniveled and wondered who I could wake up at 3 in the morning to get these frogs out of my space. Of course, I couldn’t wake anyone up. They weren't moving, they were just sitting there blocking my way. Those d=%# frogs were acting more like squatters instead of passers by. They were not going anywhere and I was frozen to the bit of ground just outside my hut.
I began waving the light at them and making a little bit of stomping and clapping noise in hopes that they would vacate the premises, but they didn’t. They just sat there...immobilized! Perhaps they were afraid of me, I thought. And then that other little voice piped in... “Oh no they’re not. They are just waiting to jump on you!
Remember when you were 5 in your Easter Sunday best dress and that frog jumped on your leg and wouldn’t get off. It was trying to suck the very life blood out of your body and your father had to pry it off with his bare hands?” Ahhh, a panic cry fest began as I stood outside just three feet from my room door and safety.
This was definitely the work of the devil, I thought. First I had the terrible dream and now this...live frogs, two of them blocking my door. Why does the devil always attack me in this way I wondered as I tried again the light and movement technique. Time passed, minutes that seemed like an eternity stand off with the frogs. Finally one of the frogs began to loose it’s nerve and move around. Of course this freaked me out even more.
I thought perhaps they were formulating an attack plan to get me from either side, devious little creatures. The one on my left side was getting jittery and I stepped back. Soon he hopped a 180 degrees and went away into the dirt. I was so relieved.
Then I looked over at the one on my right side. I could tell, he was bolder and bigger. He stayed put. He liked the cover of my little thatched roof and the clean cement of my little stoop. He wasn't going anywhere.
Finally, I determined I could not stand there all night like a frightened little girl. I had to make a break for it. The only thing that freaked me out even more, was remembering that in order to get into the hut, I had to stop and undo the latch on the bottom half of the door.
How many seconds would it take me to land one foot on the stoop and undo the latch I wondered. In that second or two that frog on the right could easily make a jump at my bare bottom half of my leg. OH God I prayed, help me.
I can barely type the word without trembbbllbingon the keyboard.
Last time I visited Malawi, I boasted how God did not allow me to see any frogs. I was confident this time would be the same…however, I was soon to discover that I was to be sadly mistaken.
My roomie and I slept in bunks in the LION mud hut. It was the shortest walk to the bathroom from our hut—God worked out that detail wonderfully well for me even after I didn’t want to be in the mud hut to begin with (another story). Anyway, I had my wind-up flashlight from Costco and each night I took two or three trips to the restroom. Each time I became braver and sometimes I did not use the flashlight at all; instead, I'd stop to stare at the southern hemisphere night sky and enjoy it's fullness and beauty even though I didn’t recognize much.
It rained most of the time we were there. Usually at night we would get these terrific thunder and lightening storms which kept a few of us out on the veranda of the dinning hall catching lightening bolts, oooooing and ahhhhing at the shapes, brightness and closeness of the strikes. Twice we lost power but only for a short time. It was exciting. The rain brought out the crickets and the frogs of course, but I hadn’t seen any of them and they sounded far off to me, so my boldness continued with each trip to the restroom. Eventually I didn’t even look at the steps before me because I felt confident nothing would be there. Famous last feelings…..
One particular night, I went to bed and had a terrible nightmare about snakes. I have this recurring dream about snakes and literally it woke me up with a shocking gasp. My heart beat like a jackhammer in my chest and I cried because I had no one to cuddle up to. Then, to make things worse, it happened, I had to go to the bathroom.
Oh, I didn’t want to get out of that bed, but nature called. Reluctantly and nervously I got out the flashlight and gingerly stepped out the front half door that was closed and latched. I walked guardedly to the restroom checking every step along the way and scanning in the nooks and crannies of the bathroom for any unwanted reptilian visitors. Of course there were none. I finished washing my hands, switched off the lights and headed back for the hut. I stopped to enjoy the sky hoping to spot the tiny galaxy my friend was enthralled with. It was not visible tonight...too many rain clouds. I switched on the light and flashed it on the front step so as not to miss it and there they were…a pair of them Egyptian plagues sitting on either side of my doorway. I froze.
I froze solid like Lot’s wife after looking back at Sodom. I just stood there frozen like a popsicle. Then I whimpered and sniveled and wondered who I could wake up at 3 in the morning to get these frogs out of my space. Of course, I couldn’t wake anyone up. They weren't moving, they were just sitting there blocking my way. Those d=%# frogs were acting more like squatters instead of passers by. They were not going anywhere and I was frozen to the bit of ground just outside my hut.
I began waving the light at them and making a little bit of stomping and clapping noise in hopes that they would vacate the premises, but they didn’t. They just sat there...immobilized! Perhaps they were afraid of me, I thought. And then that other little voice piped in... “Oh no they’re not. They are just waiting to jump on you!
Remember when you were 5 in your Easter Sunday best dress and that frog jumped on your leg and wouldn’t get off. It was trying to suck the very life blood out of your body and your father had to pry it off with his bare hands?” Ahhh, a panic cry fest began as I stood outside just three feet from my room door and safety.
This was definitely the work of the devil, I thought. First I had the terrible dream and now this...live frogs, two of them blocking my door. Why does the devil always attack me in this way I wondered as I tried again the light and movement technique. Time passed, minutes that seemed like an eternity stand off with the frogs. Finally one of the frogs began to loose it’s nerve and move around. Of course this freaked me out even more.
I thought perhaps they were formulating an attack plan to get me from either side, devious little creatures. The one on my left side was getting jittery and I stepped back. Soon he hopped a 180 degrees and went away into the dirt. I was so relieved.
Then I looked over at the one on my right side. I could tell, he was bolder and bigger. He stayed put. He liked the cover of my little thatched roof and the clean cement of my little stoop. He wasn't going anywhere.
Finally, I determined I could not stand there all night like a frightened little girl. I had to make a break for it. The only thing that freaked me out even more, was remembering that in order to get into the hut, I had to stop and undo the latch on the bottom half of the door.
How many seconds would it take me to land one foot on the stoop and undo the latch I wondered. In that second or two that frog on the right could easily make a jump at my bare bottom half of my leg. OH God I prayed, help me.
I took a deep breath and told myself I could not stand here immobilized by a stupid frog. I was psyched up and jumped for the landing; like a Bond-girl or super spy chick I undid the latch in record time and I was in and closing the door. Immediately I flashed the light on the stoop. The frog was gone.
I should have been relieved but, terror hit all anew. Was he inside? Did he get in when I came in? I jumped back and flashed the light around in circles….nothing. He was gone. It may sound funny now, but at the moment I felt emotionally beaten. I was so happy to get under the mosquito net even though I could not sleep for a while. I prayed and eventually cried myself to sleep. The next evening the word came.
A friend whom I had related the nightmare story to, told me to just stand fast in the name of Jesus. Of course, I thought of Galatians 5:1…Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free. That night I found a customized note card that was specially designed and printed for me by my daughter at Christmas. Oddly enough, the verse on the back of the card reads…It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery…Galatians 5:1. Who but God could orchestrate such perfect coincidence?
I thought about the freedom from fear that my friend had described. Christ has set us free from fear, wrath, sin, and corruption…so many more things. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. He set us free to enjoy freedom in HIM. I thought about how HE freed me from communism when I didn’t even know HIM; how HE set me free from the addictions to alcohol and drug abuse that ran in our family; how HE set me free from dependence on anything else but HIM. I’m still working on that one, but HE set me free for freedom. I needed to stand fast in that freedom and enjoy it’s safety. Soon, and for all the nights afterward, I went to bed and fell peacefully and perfectly asleep.
EPILOGE: A few days after the frog encounter, I went to do laundry in the afternoon and guess what—yep—a frog in the laundry room perched on the iron fence at eye level. A smooth, shiny and colorful little thing that I was sure had poison darts ready to fling at me on his way to attaching to my face. However, he didn’t. He minded his own business. I did my laundry and he actually stayed there for several days afterward. Funny that nobody else noticed him. But hey, I was not hallucinating....he was there.
What are you afraid of....how do you stand fast?
I should have been relieved but, terror hit all anew. Was he inside? Did he get in when I came in? I jumped back and flashed the light around in circles….nothing. He was gone. It may sound funny now, but at the moment I felt emotionally beaten. I was so happy to get under the mosquito net even though I could not sleep for a while. I prayed and eventually cried myself to sleep. The next evening the word came.
A friend whom I had related the nightmare story to, told me to just stand fast in the name of Jesus. Of course, I thought of Galatians 5:1…Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free. That night I found a customized note card that was specially designed and printed for me by my daughter at Christmas. Oddly enough, the verse on the back of the card reads…It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery…Galatians 5:1. Who but God could orchestrate such perfect coincidence?
I thought about the freedom from fear that my friend had described. Christ has set us free from fear, wrath, sin, and corruption…so many more things. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. He set us free to enjoy freedom in HIM. I thought about how HE freed me from communism when I didn’t even know HIM; how HE set me free from the addictions to alcohol and drug abuse that ran in our family; how HE set me free from dependence on anything else but HIM. I’m still working on that one, but HE set me free for freedom. I needed to stand fast in that freedom and enjoy it’s safety. Soon, and for all the nights afterward, I went to bed and fell peacefully and perfectly asleep.
EPILOGE: A few days after the frog encounter, I went to do laundry in the afternoon and guess what—yep—a frog in the laundry room perched on the iron fence at eye level. A smooth, shiny and colorful little thing that I was sure had poison darts ready to fling at me on his way to attaching to my face. However, he didn’t. He minded his own business. I did my laundry and he actually stayed there for several days afterward. Funny that nobody else noticed him. But hey, I was not hallucinating....he was there.
What are you afraid of....how do you stand fast?
2 comments:
I love reading your blog
Have you really not written anything since last year?
Post a Comment